Have you ever been in the ocean and the waves were intense, you get hit by a wave and right when you come up for air you get hit by another wave? That’s how I’ve felt for awhile! Everything just happened at once, one thing right after the other. When I tried to leave it to God, I said “I’m just going to leave this to God” but saying and doing are to entire different things. I never really left it all to him; I still wanted to fix it; on my own. I wanted everything to go back to normal. I felt like God wasn’t in control, like I lost him. I sure as heaven did not like that feeling either. Every time I tried to come to God about it, I’d take one step forward and then feel like I took two steps back. My heart was heavy and just wasn’t in the right place, I didn’t know which way was which or which path lead to God. Lost is a better way to put it. I know I needed him, I thirsted for him and his love, and I couldn’t seem to get there or find it.
One night after a very long day before, my friend told me “I’m not going to let you lose faith. I just won’t let you!” I hit me; God sent these amazing people in my life that won’t let me fall or slip away from the most important thing in the word. Jesus Christ! After realizing I can’t do this anymore, I can’t go about life living like I’m a total waste and who cares anymore. It just wasn’t working out for me. I needed God and I knew he didn’t leave me, I left him. I had to get back, back to myself, the real me with God shining through everything I do! So I went back to reading my bible at night before bed, for the first time sense I can’t remember when… The first thing I read was
Matthew 5:13
You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.
I’m not going to be trampled by men, I’m going to stand tall and do everything with God in mind! So today it’s a fresh start, my heart is made new.
My mom always said to me “Nichole, don’t let anyone take your joy away from you.” and for once, I might actually listen to her. With God anything is possible and God is made perfect in weakness. I can get back to my old self and with everything going on in my life it will only bring me closer to God.
